Abusive Relationships in College: Habits, Help and Hope”
Though its victims may not sport the proverbial black eyes or bruises, relationship abuse affects one out of three high school and college-age youth at some point in their lives, according to www.campusblues.com. Abusive relationships in college are similar to other forms of domestic violence, but still have causes and effects unique to the age group and situation.
“In high school and college, students don't always have the best view of what a healthy relationship is, especially when it’s clouded by the media,” said Lindsey Sheeley, president of USC’s Sexual Health Awareness and Rape Education (SHARE) Peers.
University of New Hampshire researchers interviewed 11 participants including friends, victims, heterosexuals and homosexuals on abusive relationships in college. Researchers cited alcohol as the main cause of abuse, stating that in four out of 11 cases, “the couple would fight every time alcohol was involved.” In five out of 11 cases, “physical behavior became present, even if non-existent before.”
No matter what the catalyst for abuse, the study concluded that abusive relationships affect friendships and cause abuse victims to become defensive. Physically or emotionally violent relationships often force victims to withdraw from friends in an attempt to appease their abuser.
“There are friends who were pretty good friends before I started dating him,” an interviewee explained, “…they’re still around. They still go to school here. They’re just people I don’t really see anymore.”
In truth, “abusers try to isolate their partners” and the abused in turn “spend less and less time with other people or doing activities,” according to an emotional abuse pamphlet published by health education nonprofit ETR. Victims and sometimes even their friends often downplay the severity of the situation. Study participants excused the abuse, attributing it to “[imperfect] family situations,” “bad tempers,” and “kind of how their relationship is.” One participant categorized her abusive relationship in this way: “I don’t know, we just, not wrestle, but kind of.” These justifications of abuse often result from victims “blaming [themselves]” or “[believing] the partner’s actions are signs of love,” the ETR pamphlet explains.
Though this problem is vast, so are its solutions. First, the ETR pamphlet reminds victims that “staying safe depends on thinking clearly and acting quickly,” which is hindered by heavy alcohol consumption.
Sheeley warns friends of victims to look out for the “cycle of violence” common in abusive relationships. It begins with a “honeymoon stage,” shifts to “walking on eggshells,” and eventually deteriorates into the “explosion stage, when violence or violent threats occur.” The ETR pamphlet stresses that friends not only identify these stages, but “express concern, try to understand, and offer support for staying safe.”
“Don’t give up on the person you care about, no matter how frustrated you get,” the pamphlet advises friends.
Support is available on campus at the Department for Sexual Health and Violence Prevention and Research, and the Thomson Health Center. SHARE peers offer free educational presentations on interpersonal violence and sexual health to dorms and student organizations. If you or someone you care about is in an abusive relationship, please call 803-777-8248 or visit www.sa.sc.edu/shs/shvp/.
