College Relationship - The "R" word
A long-distance dater reflects on the perks and pitfalls of the college relationship
We leave a lot of things behind when we go to college. For some, it’s as simple as moving an hour or so from home. For others, however, it means leaving friends, family and familiarity hundreds of miles away. It’s no secret that college is a huge adjustment, and for those who choose to attend faraway schools, whether in a different state, a different part of the country, or another country altogether, family and friends are not the only things left at home.
Welcome to the world of college relationships, where dating takes many forms. First, there’s our ever-optimistic “we dated in high school and we’re going to make it work no matter what!” Then there’s the classic case of arriving at college and realizing that one’s needs are drastically different from the necessities of high school. Finally we find couples that met on move-in day and live across the hall. Though all three are startlingly different, each type finds a unique way to thrive in the college environment.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day. Yes, yes, a Hallmark holiday, a day of overpriced chocolate and commercial propaganda, but the truth is that the day will always have some sort of emotional significance, whether there’s someone to share it with or not. But for many college students, myself included, the reality is that there’s a significant other with which to celebrate the holiday…but that significant other is hundreds of miles away. And although the prospect of a long-distance relationship seems daunting, it’s increasingly common as more students arrive at college determined to “make things work.”
The truth is long-distance relationships are certainly possible. College students arrive on campus with the intention of staying with a high school sweetheart. Whether their significant other is a long-time lover or a summer romance, it’s only natural to want to give it a shot and see if things can stay strong in college. And in the end, it all comes down to how much effort both parties want to invest. When two people really truly want to keep seeing each other, it doesn’t matter how many miles are between them.
Unfortunately (and I’m speaking from personal experience here), long-distance relationships are incredibly difficult and do take a good deal of effort to maintain. Hailing from Pennsylvania, my boyfriend and I are lucky to see each other every month or so. I know, now I sound like a huge whiner, but in a way, having a long-distance relationship where the people attend separate colleges can help you appreciate the significant other even more. The old proverb “absence makes the heart grow fonder” certainly seems to hold true in successful long-distance relationships. Yes, I may have to sit on a plane for an hour and half to see him, but in the end, it’s worth it.
Of course, if absence makes the heart grow fonder, we must also remember the similar saying “out of sight, out of mind” — which brings us to our next type of relationship. College is the perfect environment to explore, discover and focus one’s interests. When a student first arrives on campus, they are assaulted with a myriad of new places, new clubs, and most importantly, new people. You quickly find that what you were content with in high school is not what you need in college.
“You become a different person between high school and college”, said Mallory Morris, a third-year theater student. “I dated a guy from high school for a year but when I came here I changed a lot. We realized we had totally different interests.”
“College lets you meet people who fit what you need,” said Jeni Miller, a second-year theater student. “My group of friends all grew up together and it became a ‘who else are you going to date’ scenario. It’s different from high school dating in the sense that you have a lot more choices.”
Dating someone on campus can be a mixed blessing. “We live really close,” interjected fourth-year theater student Alex Bergeron, Mallory’s boyfriend. “It’s like living together without living together.”
“You go on a lot less ‘dates’,” Mallory said, “and when you do, it’s usually coffee and watching movies. You sort of hang out when you can.” Overall, however, it seems like the perks of living so close outweigh the cons. “You can make your own decisions, and you don’t have the limits you do in high school.”
But what about living next door? Our final type of college relationship takes living on the same campus one step further. It’s a whole new ballgame when your significant other lives right next door. Anna Hecksher, a first-year chemistry student, and boyfriend Kyle Mallinak, a first-year international studies student, agreed. The couple lives in the same hall, several rooms away.
“It’s so easy to just drop by,” Hecksher said. “In high school you’d always need a car. It’s really different in college because we’re always around each other.” But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
“Our schedules don’t line up, so living in the same hall gives us more opportunities to see each other,” Mallinak said.
Living in such close quarters ensures that one will always be down the hall should the other need something. Of course, the fact that parental permission is not needed every time a date is planned tends to make seeing each other a bit easier as well. Overall, college provides a new freedom perfect for experimentation, development of interests and the ideal setting to hone in on exactly what you need in a significant other.
In the end, it all comes down to what works and what doesn’t. It’s true there are plenty of couples that maintain meaningful relationships over long distances. It’s also true that many people find college to be an environment more suitable for developing mature relationships free from the common constraints of high school. Meeting and finding that special person in college is a step toward adulthood and adult relationships. The independence of college and the multitude of opportunities presented create new challenges and outlets for exploration.
